From: MisterNiceGuy@juno.com
To: LuKas Update
Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1999 22:03:50 -0400
Subject: LuKas Update: 9-23-99

Man-O-man, my life is boring. No real feature articles about my own
escapades, sorry. Then again, an ancient Chinese curse, "May you live in
interesting times." No, really. I'm not just making it up.
Well, until I become more interesting, this'll have to do. . .
No, wait! Read the entire thing, dammit! Even the briefs, especially the
briefs!
 
Feature Article: Tropical Storm Floyd: The Aftermath
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     The Tri-State area has been forgotten, due to the tragic events that
transpired in Taiwan. But as well we should, as the casualty rate here
stayed under 100, if not 75. This is my second day of school in a row, so
it's a safe bet that routine has generally settled in again. Most
restaurants have shorter hours due to water contamination, and people are
being asked not to shower as frequently, to conserve what little safe
water there is.
     All the drinking fountains in the town have been discontinued;
consequently people who normally drank only soda are now buying out all
the bottled water available. At school, all teacher desks now have an
extra bottle of water with small cups next to them. These weren't your
regular Dixie cups though, they were plain white and nearly the size of
shot glasses. They could remind me of only one thing. So, being the
Skewie* I am, I picked up one of the cups & proceed to quote as many
Mallrats lines as I could throughout the day. Unfortunately, nobody joins
in anymore, leaving my Brodie-Bruce-like rantings about the proper fear
children should have for the escalator a unique occurrence.
 
News Briefs
-----------------
     Gonna try a different format with these, see if it'll get people to
actually read these. . .
     As stated previously multiple times, I am missing a copy of one of
my very own LuKas Update letters. It's between 9-06-99 and 9-19-99. The
first person who sends it to me will get their own "Clerks" bumper
sticker free!. . .
     As stated previously multiple times, I am also planning a trip down
to Red Bank, NJ, home of Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash. If you want
anything, mail me. Hell, if you even read this part, mail me, even if
it's just to tell me you don't want anything. You don't need to even
write any message. Just be like, "Bitch, stop getting in my face about yo
trip." . . .
     On a related note, has anybody talked to Kevin lately? I wuz sure
he'd send me a list of stuff for me to get at the Stash. Hey KEV! IF
Y'all are reading this, check your other e-mail accounts too! And tell me
which one you check the most!. . .
     If you happen to read this tomorrow (Fir, 9-24-99), go to
www.viewaskew.com and check out the game called "Thirty-Seven?!?" I
scored perfect yesterday, so I got recognition and got pasted on the Web.
I just thought you'd like to see the extent of my no-life-ness. . .
     I aced my AP Physics test. Man-o-man, I love having Hochschild. . .
Finished first movie in Film class. Wasn't bad as a movie, if you can
distance it from the obviously degrading racial stereotypes (it was about
the birth of the KKK). . . Haven't been able to get Final Fantasy VIII. I
slacked off & didn't get it the first week it came out, figuring that
would be when the big rush was. I may as well have not preordered my
copy. . .
 
THIS IS COOL
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     - Kenmore Water Distiller
     Well, with all the extra water we got around, extra dirt & microbes
overloaded & got past the water purification plants. If it didn't, the
water would attack the water plant itself & cause short circuits & what
not. So everybody was told to boil their water for three minutes before
drinking as a precautionary measure. Not, there are two problems with
this. one, some of the water just evaporates away, and two, boiling only
gets rid of bacteria and germs, not little bits of dirt & sand & that
kinda stuff. So it was a good thing that Mom Bought one of those water
distiller things. The way it works is that it boils the water until
there's none left, but it collects the steam in a little chamber above it
inside a container. It does it really efficiently so that very little
water is lost. So get one of thses babies, cuz ya never know (Oh wait,
when I didn't have electricity, I couldn't distill water. D'oh!).
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SAY WHAT?!
     "You won't believe what I got today."
     "Laid?"
     "I got the car! Wait. . . WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"
     - Laine Fefferman walks right into that one, LuKas guiding the way . . .
 

*Skewie (n)- one who believes in the view askew, one devoted to the
fables and teachings of our lord Father Smith. (without the religious
overtones, anybody who likes Kevin Smith stuff)
 
- LuKas
"Be seeing you"